List

The full list of ways Not To Act Old:

#136: Take Off That Store-Boughten Underwear

#135: Don’t Forward Emails Like This To All Your Girlfriends

#134: Don’t Cry For Susan Boyle

#133: Don’t Channel Andy Rooney

#132: LOL, Don’t Lust At The Palin Porn Video

#131: Try Not To Be So Chic

Poll: Why Are You Here?

#130: Don’t Try To Be Thin As Twiggy

#129: Do Not Attack Any Stars of High School Musical 3

#128: Step Away From The Giant Pumpkin

#127: Do A Web Startup….I Mean, Don’t Do A Web Startup

#126: Do Not Audition For The Sarah Palin Porn Film

#125: Fall Is So NOT Your Favorite Season

#124: Gotta Love Those Entourage Boys

#123: Stop Surfing The Net

#122: Throw Off The Middle-Aged Burka

#121: No Arcade Fire or Porkpie Hats

#120: Neutralize Your Crazy Old Sperm

#119: Don’t Use the Republicans To Make Your Own Self Feel Cool

#118: Stop Talking About Menopause

#117: Don’t Live In West Virginia

#s105-116: How Not To Vacation Old, Part See Ya Later

#104: Look Up To Philippe and Patti

#103: Don’t Act All Shocked That Madonna’s Turning 50

#102: Only One Pair of Glasses At A Time, Please

#101: Don’t Fear the F Word

#s94-100: How Not To Vacation Old, Part 2

#93: Stop Covering Up Your Underwear!

#s84-92: How Not To Vacation Old, Part 1

#83: Don’t Be The Ricky

#82: Stop All That Moving Around

#81: Learn To Type With Your Thumbs

#75-80: How Not To Act Old Around Your Babysitter

#74: Forget the Sixties Nostalgia

#73: Cancel the Trip to Provence

#72: C’mon, Tell Us All About Your Sex Life

#71: Never Admit That You Hated “The Dark Knight”

#70: No Hovering

#69: Enough With The Jane Austen Worship

#68: Mooch Off Your Parents

#67: Don’t Put It In Cruise Control

#66: Don’t Die. Or Even Consider The Possibility of Dying.

#65: Screw the Housework

#64: Don’t Fear The Tat

#63: Never Admit You Have No Freaking Clue Who Leighton, Cuttino, Rihanna, Jensen, Dane or Feist Are

#62: Don’t Be Shocked By A Touch of Girl-on-Girl

#61: Know The Difference Between A Brotha and A Bro

#60: Garage Your Hog

#59: Don’t Bogart That Watermelon

#s 54-58: Special July 4th Oldness Alerts

#53: Don’t Fear The Teenager

#52: No Bras The Size of Wyoming

#51: Don’t Go Thinking A Big Gut Is Normal

#50: No, That Was Not Mary-Kate and Olsen You Saw On The Number 66 Bus

#49: Curb Your Cynicism

#48: Enough With The Man-Bashing

#47: Don’t Be A Chicken

#46: Stop Hoping Lauren Conrad Will Just Go Away

#45: Don’t live In A Big House And Complain About Money

#44: Quit Bossing Everybody Around

#43: Don’t Fear Rap

#42: Torch Your Books

#41: Don’t Get Too Excited About Mondays

#40: Scratch The Golf Game

#39: Don’t Wake Up Before Dawn

#38: Break That Saturday Night Sex Routine

#37: Cancel The Dinner Party

#36: Enough With The Seinfeld, Already!

#35: De-hyphenate Your Name

#34: Don’t Fear The Thong

#33: No Digestion Discussions, Ever

#32: Avoid Avoiding Babies

#31: Don’t Lust After The Lifeguard

#30: Stop Using Email

#29: Get Off The Eternal Diet

#28: Don’t Listen To Springsteen

#27: Don’t Vote Republican

#26: Shave The Mustache

#25: Don’t Make Love

#24: Don’t Forget….Uh, Everything

#23: Don’t Send Greeting Cards

#22: Avoid Direct Confrontation

#21: Don’t Leave A Message

#20: No Poodles

#19: Don’t Describe The Doctor, The Cop, or The Teacher As “Looking 12”

#18: Don’t Hate Sex

#17: Don’t Drink Cosmos

#16: Don’t Live In Greenwich Village

#15: Don’t Be Named Bob or Pat

#14: Don’t Fear The Waxer

#13: Unless You’re In Nagasaki, Don’t Give (Or Ask) Directions

#12: Don’t Smoke Pot

#11: Hold The Moo Goo Gai Pan

#10: Don’t Lust After Paul McCartney

#9: Don’t Plan

#8: Don’t Yell Into Your Cell Phone

#7: Don’t Count Out Exact Change

#6: Beware The Accidental Hookup

#5: Don’t Dance To “Sexual Healing”

#4: Don’t Admit You’re Befuddled By Technology

#3: Don’t Advise People To Carry An Umbrella

#2: Don’t Talk About Your (Grownup) Children

#1: Don’t Say Awesome, Dude, or Yo, You Copped Fire, Son

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s