Tag Archives: twitter

#123: Stop Surfing The Net

If you still say you’re “surfing” the “net,” you’ve got to stop right now. I said RIGHT NOW! That phrase is just so 2003, or maybe 1998 — I don’t know, all those years pretty much run together.

Don’t spend any time in “chat rooms,” either. Or use the word “cyberspace,” except ironically.

In fact, if you want to get all modern about it, what you should do instead of surf is Twitter. I signed up for Twitter, allegedly, and I’ve gotten reports that a couple of people are “following” me, an activity whose dullness might only be matched by actually being me. What are you doing now? I’m typing. What are you doing now? I’m typing. What are you doing now? I’m still fucking typing, goddammit!

The real point, though, is that web words have moved on. For a primer of a hundred of the newest, watch this educational video.

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#s 75-80: How Not To Act Old Around Your Babysitter

You and your babysitter, you’re a team, compadres, right? Riiiiiiiight. It may have occurred to you, somewhere in the years you’ve been employing childcare, that your sitter is a lot closer in age to your nine-year-old than she is to you. You may think that you’re both the adults, in league against the kids, but you’re wrong.

Jen Singer, the creator of MommaSaid.net and author of You’re a Good Mom (and Your Kids Aren’t So Bad Either), offers these tips for not acting (too) old around your babysitter:

1. Text your babysitters. They don’t do phone calls, and they really don’t want to talk to you, especially when you call them while they’re out with friends.

2. Know what the hell Twitter is. A plus: Actually use it to keep in contact with your sitter and children.

3. Do not attempt to impress your sitters with modern lingo, such as referring to your husband as your “baby daddy.”

4. Resist the urge to point out that the ring tone on their cell phone was originally recorded by Prince, whom you saw in concert while wearing leg warmers and a Flashdance style dress.

5. Don’t lecture them on how the M in MTV used to refer to “Music.” You know, back when Prince was hot and so were you.

6. Try not to appear as though you’ve just been punched in the stomach when your babysitter tells you that when you got married in 1991, she had not yet been born.

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