Tag Archives: Paris

#93: Stop Covering Up Your Underwear!

Confused about whether you’re old or not? Here’s a little quiz to help you find out.

If someone says it’s “snowing down south,” they’re trying to tell you:

a) A shipment of cocaine has just arrived on the south side of town.

b) Alabama is having some hella freaky weather.

c) Your slip is showing.

If you answered a, you obviously are living too wild a life to be spending any time sitting around reading this blog. If you answered b, you’re a moron. And if you answered c, yes, dearie, I’m afraid you’re old. Score double points if you own a slip, and TRIPLE points if you actually wear one.

My point, and I do have one: Underwear has entered a new era. These days, if it is worn at all, underwear is not necessarily worn UNDER anything. In fact, if you want to get all young about it, you should actually TRY to leave your bra straps hanging out from the armholes of your shirt, to let your pants ride down below your boxers, to make your slip totally show beneath your skirt.

We probably have Madonna to blame for making underwear the new outerwear. I actually remember how scandalous her bustiers-as-blouses and brazen black bra straps seemed back in the 80s. That was before little celeb sisters Paris and Britney scandalized us further by wearing no underwear at all.

Please, let’s not go there. For now, at the height of summer, it’s enough to stop worrying about your bra peeking out of your tank top and your boxers popping out of your shorts. And if someone tells you it’s snowing down south, just say thank you.

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#2: Don’t Talk About Your (Grownup) Children

My daughter lives in Paris. She’s the editor of a magazine there called Self Service. And my son: My son goes to Yale. Let me tell you all about them.

Or maybe I should just keep my mouth shut.

Going on and on about your grownup children is one of the prime ways people act old.  It’s not the fact of having adult children that makes them seem old, it’s talking as if their kids are the most interesting thing about them.  As if their children are the ones with the noteworthy lives now, as if their own lives are beneath mention.

So mention that you have kids, by all means.  Say what they’re up to, if you’re asked.  But don’t make them your main topic of conversation.

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