I might have said Don’t Grow A Goatee, but my husband has a goatee and he looks pretty good in it, or at least he’s had it so long we’re afraid to see what he looks like without it. So I’ll hold the line here at mustache.
Mustaches are the facial hair of cops and porn stars. Most men who wear mustaches do so because they grew them in 1978 at the behest of some foxy chick, and still think a hairy upper lip makes them look 23, or 47 at the very oldest.
Guys, shave the ‘stache. And for the love of God, don’t replace it with a soul patch.