Look at poor Rolf sitting there. Every day, he comes out of the villa, perches on the cliff, positions his fingers over the keyboard, and stares out to sea, waiting, hoping, for my yacht to pull into view.
He never goes in the pool, he never rides the jet skis….all he wants to do is get to work on How Not To Act Old, The Book.
But does it ever happen? No. And why not? Because you’ve all been taking too much of my time. A blog post here, a story in Money Magazine inspired by HNTAO there…. ….why, this very minute, I’m overdue at a wine tasting for my friend Gail Belsky’s new book on how to shake up your life.
Never fear, Rolf. As of right now — okay, well, right after the wine tasting — I’m going to shake it up myself. I am casting off the daily demands of the workaday world and hurrying to our retreat far from the madding crowd where it will be nothing but work work work in order to get the mostly-new and entirely-fabulous book version of How Not To Act Old ready to be published by Harper Collins in August.
Till then, dear readers, try not to yell into your cell phones or overindulge your email habits. If you’re older than our new President, don’t admit it. And if you slip up, don’t worry, Rolf and I will start blogging again next summer, and when the book comes out in August, it will solve all your acting-old problems, and much much more.
So here finally is the big surprise I promised you back in August: How Not To Act Old is going to be a book! Extremely exciting, especially for me. With my big truckload of money, I’ve already hired an editorial assistant, Rolf, and outfitted him with an appropriate tee shirt: That’s him on the left. And I’ll have you know, he typed in those page numbers all by himself — he got all the way up to 200 before he had to ask for help!
The publisher is the classy and fabulous Collins, the book will be out in August here and in the U.K., and the official title is How Not to Act Old: 157 Ways To Be Phat, Sick, Dope, Hot, Awesome, or At Least Not Totally Lame. Or something like that.
I did consider some other title ideas. My friend Dottie Frank suggested The Devil Wears Bifocals. Fran Liscio contributed Do They Have Facebook in Hell? and I Scored Some Eileen Fisher Caftans, and That Shit Was Bangin’. Rolf made a forceful case for I May Be Old but I Am One Amazingly Hot American Bitch.
But in the end, we decided to stick with the original. Along with keeping up the blog I’ll be writing lots of completely fresh material for the book. As many of you know, writing is very hard work. Here’s a fast-paced live-action video produced by the novelist Roger (R.N.) Morris, which pretty much tells it like it is for me, though instead of a cat draped over my shoulder, I’ve got Rolf.