If you want to avoid acting old, do not discuss your digestive tract in any way, ever, says my friend and fellow writer Christina Baker Kline. That means no talk of bran muffins or lactose intolerance, no references to regularity or heartburn, no jokes about gas or “tummy troubles.”
We all know it happens, but the world just doesn’t want to hear about it, okay? Quietly chew on your Tums and down your prophylactic Bean-O. Silently excuse yourself to go to the bathroom and afterwards, don’t regale us with tales of what happened there. Keep all burps, farts, gurgles, acid indigestion, and reflux episodes, as much as possible, to yourself.