Tag Archives: expensive

#52: No Bras The Size of Wyoming

As the years advance, we full-figured gals have a, ahem, weighty challenge ahead of us. How to hoist the girls as high as possible without resorting to a bra the size of Wyoming?

The answer, as with so many things, is money. Any bra that’s going to do its considerable job and still look feminine, attractive, young, is going to set you back at least as much as you just spent on sneakers for your teenager. You’re going to have to go to a fancy lingerie department to buy it, and even be fitted by a trained professional brandishing a tape measure. (BTW, for those of you who don’t know, that’s John Currin’s wonderful painting The Bra Shop above left.)

Let’s just quickly run over the elements your bra can NOT have. No elastic thick and strong enough to support a bungee jumper. No more than two — or in extreme cases, three — hooks in back. No cups so capacious they totally rule out the possibility of cleavage. No quadriboob; no backfat.

At the same time, your bra needs to lift, separate, streamline, steady, and smooth. Impossible? No. Expensive but worth it: absolutely.

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#40: Scratch The Golf Game

Some sports are young and some sports are old. Examples?

Basketball is young; baseball is old.

Snowboarding is young; skiing is old.

Skateboarding is young; roller-skating is old.

And golf is old. So old I can’t even think of something similar-yet-different (miniature golf? no; croquet? nah) to put on the young side of the equation

Why? Expensive, is one big reason. Slow. Not all that strenuous. Outfits not very cute. And the shoes!

Plus, golf takes planning: You need to reserve the course days, weeks, or even years in advance.  And it takes patience, a quality that tends to increase with age.

The only thing about golf that has any youth appeal are the carts. I would like to ride around a golf course in one of those carts. I just don’t want to have to wear shoes with cleats or hit any little balls out of the sand.

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